Please don't walk on me.

*Disclaimer. The year was 2006, and yes, it actually happened.

After a rousing night of YouTube viewing, I decided to finally hit the hay around 3:30 AM. After getting cozy and comfortable between the sheets, I realized the fan was still in the window, positioned for a much hotter night than it actually was, so I hollered to my then-boyfriend, "When you come to bed will you please take the fan out of the window and then shut it?" "Sure, I'm only gonna be about 5 more minutes..." He responded.
Roughly 30 minutes later I was slightly awoken by a little rustle, I felt boyfriend crawling into bed. "Hi," I said, to no reply. I gently opened my eyes and peeked at what a thought would be a drowsy and slightly tipsy boyfriend, when in return there was an enormous, furry, and extremely confused opossum walking on my chest.
Of course I screamed, which prompted boyfriend to sprint in, he screamed, as we both stole glances at each other and then at the offending beast through our panic.
I jumped up and down on he bed for a while and boyfriend repeatedly asked me, "What am I supposed to do?" To which I responded, "Hmm...Get it out?!" " But, what am I supposed to do?" And well, my response was predictable.
So, this charade lasted for roughly an hour, experimenting with a myriad of online remedies, (clap loudly at it, flash a light on it, yell at it, wave an ammonia soaked rag at it, etc.) all to no avail.
I attempted calling the non-emergency police line, (Animal Control only had you leave a message in case of emergency, which made me wonder, what if you were stuck in a car with a loose jaguar or being attacked in a barn by vampire bats? Just leave a message?) and as I was explaining the story to the operator, boyfriend yelled, "It laid down on its back and opened it's mouth at me!" (Gross.) The operator, unfortunately was not much of a help, but, I did finally say, "Well, don't you at least think it's sick that it walked on me?" And he laughed and said, "Yes, very." So, since I felt validated and hung up.
Finally, we made a little path out of all the furniture in the entire apartment which led right out the front door with the plan of sweeping it back into the wild. Genious.
SO...I stood on the bed, holding the broom as far as I possibly could away from my body, than took a gentle swing at the frightened beast and shooed him a few inches. The animal looked me with an ah-ha gaze that said, "Ohhhh, you want me to leave. Why didn't you just say so." And slowing strolled down the makeshift furniture road and out the door.
And that's why you should never sleep with your windows open.